最近看到了一篇有點冗的paper methods以及objective 把很多想表達的放進同一句話 我試著將他改寫，希望以後不要也犯這種錯誤 不知道各位能不能看一下我改如何，求鞭，感謝 ---------------------------------------------- Objectives原文如下： The purpose of this study was to examine population-based, hospital discharge data from North Carolina to describe the demographic and diagnostic characteri stics of individuals who receive physical therapy and, for common diagnostic subgroups, to identify factors associated with the receipt of and intensity of physical therapy use. 這麼冗長居然是一句話而且只有一個句點 所以我將其拆成兩句，然後把主詞跟動詞拉近一點 不然讀起來很辛苦，改寫如下 The purpose of this study was to examine the physical therapy users’ population-based, hospital discharge data from North Carolina and to describe their demographic, diagnostic characteristics. Moreover, we identified factors associated with the receipt of and intensity of physical therapy use for comm on diagnostic subgroups. 我自己覺得改完比較順了， 兩個句子用Moreover連接 ------------------------------------------------- 接著是methods的原文 Hospital discharge data for 2006–2007 from the 128 acute care hospitals in th e state were examined to identify the most common diagnoses that receive physi cal therapy and to describe the characteristics of physical therapy users. For 2 of the most common diagnoses, logistic and linear regression analyses were conducted to identify factors associated with the receipt and intensity of phy sical therapy. 這麼冗長也只有兩句話， 所以我切成三句，用furthermore連接 並將被動式改為主動比較好理解 were examined改為examined 然後將冗句直接改成動詞conducted...analyses改成analyzed 改完如下 To identify the most common diagnoses of physical therapy users and to describe the characteristics of them. Ｗe examined the hospital discharge data for 2006–2007 from the 128 acute care hospitals in the state. Furthermore, we analyzed the 2 of the most common diagnoses with logistic and linear regression to identify factors associated with the receipt and intensity of physical therapy. -------------------------------------------------- 想問問大家 我改寫的跟原文哪個比較好讀？ 感謝大家 --

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