作者spacedunce5 (讀不完的書)
看板Translation
標題[中英] 請教最佳翻譯!!
時間Sat Nov 5 16:48:34 2011
二次世界大戰被徵召入伍，水木茂在南洋感染虐疾臥病在床時，遭空襲炸傷感染，因而失
去左臂。
After being conscripted during World War II, Shigeru Mizuki lost his left arm
in a bombing raid while bedridden with malaria.
我的試譯塞不進「南洋」和「感染」兩個概念，加進去會很長很不自然。
有沒有高手願意站出來？
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◆ From: 122.124.102.59
1F：推 chingfen:我頭暈...= = (刪掉囉XD 11/05 17:09
2F：推 chingfen:不能拆成兩句嗎？ 11/05 17:18
3F：推 l10nel:bedridden from malaria contracted in Southeast Asia? 11/05 17:20
4F：→ usread:during a b/r while bedridden in 南洋 with m. 11/05 17:27
5F：→ usread:m 一定是感染,可不譯,中英修辭異.有時顯譯,有時隱譯. 11/05 17:28
6F：推 l10nel:但，傷口感染未說出，會被誤以為是炸斷的，故： 11/05 17:28
7F：→ l10nel:lost his left arm due to an infected wound sustained 11/05 17:29
8F：→ l10nel:during a b/r while (he lay) bedridden from malaria 11/05 17:30
9F：→ l10nel:contracted in Southeast Asia 11/05 17:30
10F：→ spacedunce5:重點就是這樣好長啊……… 11/05 17:33
11F：推 l10nel:把contract明說出來，因為想把m和南洋兜在一起，如去掉 11/05 17:34
12F：→ l10nel:contracted感覺有點怪，各位覺得？ 11/05 17:34
拆句就變成：SM (XD) was conscripted. After being b-r w/ m contr in SeA, he lost
his arm due to infection of a bombing raid injury. 好像可以更好。
※ 編輯: spacedunce5 來自: 122.124.102.59 (11/05 17:36)
13F：→ l10nel:長句短句交錯才是好看的文章，寫短句的機會很多，逮到機會 11/05 17:36
14F：→ l10nel:秀個長句可以不必客氣 11/05 17:36
15F：→ spacedunce5:我的句子多半都很長。囧 11/05 17:37
16F：→ l10nel:此例兩者比較之下，我寧願讀長句。infection "of" 很怪 11/05 17:39
17F：→ spacedunce5:@usread: 我感染是指傷口感染致截肢而非感染瘧疾，sry 11/05 17:40
18F：→ l10nel:敘述型的內容我覺得可善用長句減少總字數避免累贅感 11/05 17:40
19F：→ spacedunce5:bombing raid injury infection XDDD (4 nouns 0_o) 11/05 17:41
20F：→ spacedunce5: wound 11/05 17:48
21F：推 l10nel:惡搞XD: He suffered a WWII-conscripted-service-bombing- 11/05 17:49
22F：→ l10nel:-raid-wound-infection-necessitated left-arm amputation. 11/05 17:50
23F：→ spacedunce5:讚！XDDD 11/05 17:56
24F：→ spacedunce5:就決定用這個了（大誤 11/05 17:56
25F：→ chingfen:Being a conscript in Southeast Asia during World 11/05 18:04
26F：→ chingfen:War II, Shigeru Mizuki's left arm was injurd in a 11/05 18:04
27F：→ chingfen:bombing raid and then lost due to infection while 11/05 18:05
28F：→ chingfen:he was bedridden with malaria. 11/05 18:05
29F：→ chingfen:(以上亂試。請鞭！感謝。) 11/05 18:06
30F：推 l10nel:這樣寫變成左臂在服役了:) 11/05 18:19
31F：→ chingfen:呵呵...尷尬...= = 11/05 18:20
32F：→ chingfen:being 前面直接加Shigeru Mizuki，後面改成his left... 11/05 18:22
33F：→ chingfen:這樣可以嗎? 11/05 18:22
34F：→ chingfen: (我再想想好了...XD 11/05 18:23
35F：推 l10nel:SM being a ..., his left arm ... 表面上似無語法的問題 11/05 18:27
36F：→ l10nel:但就顯得怪怪的，可能因為 SM 是專名不是代名詞，說不上來 11/05 18:28
37F：→ l10nel:我覺得較保險的改法是 Being a ..., SM suffered/sustained 11/05 18:31
38F：→ l10nel:an injury of his left arm ... and then lost IT ... 11/05 18:32
39F：→ chingfen:嗯，謝謝指教 11/05 18:34
40F：→ chingfen:Being a conscript in Southeast Asia during World 11/05 18:45
41F：→ chingfen:War II, Shigeru Mizuki was bedridden with malaria; 11/05 18:45
42F：→ chingfen:at the same time, his left arm was injurd in a 11/05 18:45
43F：→ chingfen:bombin raid and then lost due to infection. 11/05 18:45
44F：→ chingfen:(越加越長...有空再縮短...ORZ) 11/05 18:46
45F：→ usread:哈沒看到第二個感染,那原文有些累贅呢. 11/05 19:29
46F：→ chingfen:瘧疾(O) 虐疾(X) 11/05 19:31
47F：→ johanna:第一個「感染」改成「罹患」就好了？ 11/05 19:31
48F：→ johanna:（改原文幹嘛 XD） 11/05 19:32
49F：推 weeee333:好久沒出現了 XD 我來試試（用詞沒太多變動）： 11/05 22:56
50F：→ weeee333:As a conscript in the South Pacific during WW2, Mizuk 11/05 22:56
51F：→ weeee333:was caught in a bombing raid while bedridden with 11/05 22:56
52F：→ weeee333:malaria, subsequently losing his left arm from the 11/05 22:56
53F：→ weeee333:resulting infection. 一般來講都英進中才會碰到「資訊過 11/05 22:56
54F：→ weeee333:量」的問題，這句中文還真是 information-packed ＝ ＝ 11/05 22:57
55F：→ spacedunce5:weeee333你的答案太讚了!!但我已經交稿了。 11/05 23:18
After being conscripted during World War II, Shigeru Mizuki lost his left arm
from a bombing raid wound infection while bedridden with malaria in Southeast
Asia.
※ 編輯: spacedunce5 來自: 122.124.101.2 (11/05 23:26)
56F：推 MariaChen:前半句甚至「As a WWII conscript,」即可。 11/06 02:19
57F：→ MariaChen:除非要強調「被徵召」這件事。 11/06 02:21
58F：推 l10nel:同意樓上，而且，As 甚至可進一步省去 11/06 06:47
59F：推 chingfen:再跟Mizuk變成同位語？ 11/06 13:21
60F：→ spacedunce5:對。 11/06 15:06
61F：推 l10nel:我覺得這不是同位語耶，比較像補充supplement，或某種分詞 11/06 15:32
62F：→ l10nel:構句的減省 11/06 15:32
63F：推 l10nel:A WWII conscript, 還原成 Being a...,或As he was a..., 11/06 17:13
64F：→ l10nel:所以是子句成份，不是同位語，這種成份總稱verbless clause 11/06 17:14
65F：→ pentimento:有 being/as 時是修飾語，去掉後，是同位語。 11/06 18:34
66F：推 l10nel:有興趣的人請看回文討論A WWII conscript是不是同位語 :) 11/07 14:18