作者spacedunce5 (读不完的书)
看板Translation
标题[中英] 请教最佳翻译!!
时间Sat Nov 5 16:48:34 2011
二次世界大战被徵召入伍，水木茂在南洋感染虐疾卧病在床时，遭空袭炸伤感染，因而失
去左臂。
After being conscripted during World War II, Shigeru Mizuki lost his left arm
in a bombing raid while bedridden with malaria.
我的试译塞不进「南洋」和「感染」两个概念，加进去会很长很不自然。
有没有高手愿意站出来？
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※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 122.124.102.59
1F：推 chingfen:我头晕...= = (删掉罗XD 11/05 17:09
2F：推 chingfen:不能拆成两句吗？ 11/05 17:18
3F：推 l10nel:bedridden from malaria contracted in Southeast Asia? 11/05 17:20
4F：→ usread:during a b/r while bedridden in 南洋 with m. 11/05 17:27
5F：→ usread:m 一定是感染,可不译,中英修辞异.有时显译,有时隐译. 11/05 17:28
6F：推 l10nel:但，伤口感染未说出，会被误以为是炸断的，故： 11/05 17:28
7F：→ l10nel:lost his left arm due to an infected wound sustained 11/05 17:29
8F：→ l10nel:during a b/r while (he lay) bedridden from malaria 11/05 17:30
9F：→ l10nel:contracted in Southeast Asia 11/05 17:30
10F：→ spacedunce5:重点就是这样好长啊……… 11/05 17:33
11F：推 l10nel:把contract明说出来，因为想把m和南洋兜在一起，如去掉 11/05 17:34
12F：→ l10nel:contracted感觉有点怪，各位觉得？ 11/05 17:34
拆句就变成：SM (XD) was conscripted. After being b-r w/ m contr in SeA, he lost
his arm due to infection of a bombing raid injury. 好像可以更好。
※ 编辑: spacedunce5 来自: 122.124.102.59 (11/05 17:36)
13F：→ l10nel:长句短句交错才是好看的文章，写短句的机会很多，逮到机会 11/05 17:36
14F：→ l10nel:秀个长句可以不必客气 11/05 17:36
15F：→ spacedunce5:我的句子多半都很长。囧 11/05 17:37
16F：→ l10nel:此例两者比较之下，我宁愿读长句。infection "of" 很怪 11/05 17:39
17F：→ spacedunce5:@usread: 我感染是指伤口感染致截肢而非感染疟疾，sry 11/05 17:40
18F：→ l10nel:叙述型的内容我觉得可善用长句减少总字数避免累赘感 11/05 17:40
19F：→ spacedunce5:bombing raid injury infection XDDD (4 nouns 0_o) 11/05 17:41
20F：→ spacedunce5: wound 11/05 17:48
21F：推 l10nel:恶搞XD: He suffered a WWII-conscripted-service-bombing- 11/05 17:49
22F：→ l10nel:-raid-wound-infection-necessitated left-arm amputation. 11/05 17:50
23F：→ spacedunce5:赞！XDDD 11/05 17:56
24F：→ spacedunce5:就决定用这个了（大误 11/05 17:56
25F：→ chingfen:Being a conscript in Southeast Asia during World 11/05 18:04
26F：→ chingfen:War II, Shigeru Mizuki's left arm was injurd in a 11/05 18:04
27F：→ chingfen:bombing raid and then lost due to infection while 11/05 18:05
28F：→ chingfen:he was bedridden with malaria. 11/05 18:05
29F：→ chingfen:(以上乱试。请鞭！感谢。) 11/05 18:06
30F：推 l10nel:这样写变成左臂在服役了:) 11/05 18:19
31F：→ chingfen:呵呵...尴尬...= = 11/05 18:20
32F：→ chingfen:being 前面直接加Shigeru Mizuki，後面改成his left... 11/05 18:22
33F：→ chingfen:这样可以吗? 11/05 18:22
34F：→ chingfen: (我再想想好了...XD 11/05 18:23
35F：推 l10nel:SM being a ..., his left arm ... 表面上似无语法的问题 11/05 18:27
36F：→ l10nel:但就显得怪怪的，可能因为 SM 是专名不是代名词，说不上来 11/05 18:28
37F：→ l10nel:我觉得较保险的改法是 Being a ..., SM suffered/sustained 11/05 18:31
38F：→ l10nel:an injury of his left arm ... and then lost IT ... 11/05 18:32
39F：→ chingfen:嗯，谢谢指教 11/05 18:34
40F：→ chingfen:Being a conscript in Southeast Asia during World 11/05 18:45
41F：→ chingfen:War II, Shigeru Mizuki was bedridden with malaria; 11/05 18:45
42F：→ chingfen:at the same time, his left arm was injurd in a 11/05 18:45
43F：→ chingfen:bombin raid and then lost due to infection. 11/05 18:45
44F：→ chingfen:(越加越长...有空再缩短...ORZ) 11/05 18:46
45F：→ usread:哈没看到第二个感染,那原文有些累赘呢. 11/05 19:29
46F：→ chingfen:疟疾(O) 虐疾(X) 11/05 19:31
47F：→ johanna:第一个「感染」改成「罹患」就好了？ 11/05 19:31
48F：→ johanna:（改原文干嘛 XD） 11/05 19:32
49F：推 weeee333:好久没出现了 XD 我来试试（用词没太多变动）： 11/05 22:56
50F：→ weeee333:As a conscript in the South Pacific during WW2, Mizuk 11/05 22:56
51F：→ weeee333:was caught in a bombing raid while bedridden with 11/05 22:56
52F：→ weeee333:malaria, subsequently losing his left arm from the 11/05 22:56
53F：→ weeee333:resulting infection. 一般来讲都英进中才会碰到「资讯过 11/05 22:56
54F：→ weeee333:量」的问题，这句中文还真是 information-packed ＝ ＝ 11/05 22:57
55F：→ spacedunce5:weeee333你的答案太赞了!!但我已经交稿了。 11/05 23:18
After being conscripted during World War II, Shigeru Mizuki lost his left arm
from a bombing raid wound infection while bedridden with malaria in Southeast
Asia.
※ 编辑: spacedunce5 来自: 122.124.101.2 (11/05 23:26)
56F：推 MariaChen:前半句甚至「As a WWII conscript,」即可。 11/06 02:19
57F：→ MariaChen:除非要强调「被徵召」这件事。 11/06 02:21
58F：推 l10nel:同意楼上，而且，As 甚至可进一步省去 11/06 06:47
59F：推 chingfen:再跟Mizuk变成同位语？ 11/06 13:21
60F：→ spacedunce5:对。 11/06 15:06
61F：推 l10nel:我觉得这不是同位语耶，比较像补充supplement，或某种分词 11/06 15:32
62F：→ l10nel:构句的减省 11/06 15:32
63F：推 l10nel:A WWII conscript, 还原成 Being a...,或As he was a..., 11/06 17:13
64F：→ l10nel:所以是子句成份，不是同位语，这种成份总称verbless clause 11/06 17:14
65F：→ pentimento:有 being/as 时是修饰语，去掉後，是同位语。 11/06 18:34
66F：推 l10nel:有兴趣的人请看回文讨论A WWII conscript是不是同位语 :) 11/07 14:18