作者spacedunce5 (讀不完的書)
看板Translation
標題Re: [英中] 求詩中翻英
時間Sat Nov 5 23:24:00 2011
※ 引述《cat1442 (豸苗)》之銘言：
把你的影子加點鹽
醃起來
風乾
老的時候
下酒
I take your shadow and add some salt
to preserve it
winddried
and when I'm old
partake with wine.
請各位鞭小力一點。^^
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◆ From: 122.124.101.2
1F：→ usread:imperative mood? 11/06 00:24
Well, there is no visible subject . . . and it's shorter this way.
2F：→ usread:下威士忌或高梁似乎比較合 :-) 11/06 00:25
But then it wouldn't (half-)rhyme with "winddried."
3F：推 l10nel:No such use for "partake". How about: and when I'm old/ 11/06 06:57
4F：→ l10nel:it goes (well) with wine OR it complements wine 11/06 06:58
5F：→ l10nel:or, change "it" to "it'll" to add a tad of modality: 11/06 07:00
To me, this poem is too serious for contractions that don't conserve a
syllable; as for "partake," again, it's shorter and thus has more power (it's
also more concrete). Oh, you mean the colllocation! Well, partake is
intransitive . . . and has connotations of eating . . . so I guess it's okay?
※ 編輯: spacedunce5 來自: 122.124.101.26 (11/06 11:44)
6F：→ usread:中文「隱主詞」可你可我,但英文現簡式讀起來總覺得是you~~ 11/06 11:48
這麼一說的確兩半主詞不一……。
※ 編輯: spacedunce5 來自: 122.124.101.26 (11/06 11:54)
7F：推 MariaChen:新詩不用押韻，每行首可大寫（即使接前句），最後一句可 11/06 12:49
8F：→ MariaChen:參考「To take with wine」。 11/06 12:49
9F：→ MariaChen:二樓：說不定夏宇想喝小/米酒遙想舊友…。 11/06 12:52
10F：→ usread:不過原詩押了韻。嗯中國人喝酒下酒通常不是葡萄水果發酵酒 11/06 12:56
11F：→ usread:I'll? 11/06 12:59
12F：→ usread:或 I'd (would)? 11/06 13:01
13F：推 MariaChen:啊…米酒是應時事亂湊。此詩短而幽默，沒那麼嚴肅啦。 11/06 13:32
14F：→ spacedunce5:原文已經改成現在式囉～ @MariaChen to 這裡不合文法 11/06 15:08
15F：推 l10nel:partake問題不在搭配，而在意思，人+partake of+食物 11/06 15:10
16F：→ l10nel:幾個人一起分享、享受食物，但partake with意思我就不懂了 11/06 15:12
17F：→ l10nel:partake with wine的主詞是什麽？還是祈使句？ 11/06 15:14
18F：→ usread:葡萄酒vs.烈酒下影子吃,意味差很多.wine在英文語境裡就是葡 11/06 15:56
19F：→ usread:萄酒,和蒸餾酒很不同的.「酒趣」截然不同吧 11/06 15:57
20F：→ spacedunce5:@l10nel partake + with wine, 主詞是第一段的 I 11/06 22:30
21F：推 l10nel:了解了，所以是 I partake of it with wine 但of it是明顯 11/07 08:26
22F：→ l10nel:含義故省略（何況在詩裡），或partake作vi.也通:) 11/07 08:27
23F：推 l10nel:最後兩行：And when I'm old/with wine it goes. 11/07 18:36