(笑到脸很酸的Field Mice!) 本集重点: 靠!!!!我瞎了!!!!!!!可鲁你在哪里!!!!!! 小哈你老实说你塞给编剧多少钱!!! 呃，话说也因为这样本集某人忙着在电视前大笑+尖叫+被室友打， 所以内容想必有不少小错误，请大家多多包涵。 本集极度推荐大家去弄来看!!! (洒花+转圈圈+继续尖叫) 片头，小哈跟帅尼坐在车里。 小哈: I'm not ready for this. 帅尼: Yes, you are. Besides, you have no choice. Dr. Ray is still on leave for the concussion. And I have multiple poisoned case out of town. Now, stepped yourself in! 於是小哈下车，脸色凝重的拎着监识箱走入校园里... 一个女孩被对小哈在对着屍体照相， "屍体"忽然咳嗽了起来... 女孩: Damn, Derrick, you ruined my picture! Derrick: Sorry, the stuff is giving me the feeling as tasteing a piece of dried pancake... 旁边的小朋友们一起哈哈大笑。 小哈: (翻白眼) Kids. 原来这是类似CSI体验营的校园活动啦! 小哈被丢来"支援"。 小女生转头跟小哈自我介绍。 女孩: CSI Hodges? 小哈: (微微愣住，傻笑) Yes, CSI Hodges. 女孩: I realize this is just an experiense. But... Is it at east based on real case. 小哈: (翻开资料看看) No. 女孩: Oh... (略为失望貌) You know, I always hope to be a CSI and solve real crimes. Like what you do. 小哈: (可开心了) ... Okay. Look, let's wrap this up. And meet me at the parking lot. I can show you the crime lab. 女孩: Would you!? (开心的回头叫一个男生) Guillero, he's willing to do that! Come with me! You, too. Derrick, it will be fun. 於是说小哈带着两个小朋友回到办公室(Derrick没出现)， 办公室里某本杂志上的封面是穿着冲浪防水衣的阿奇(笑的一脸阳光的帅啊!)， 小哈翻了白眼後把杂志丢到了一边。 小哈拿了一个案件的档案给两个小朋友看， 小哈: You said you want to match with real CSIs? Now it's your chance. This case began with the firemen, which we called "evidence eracation crew," entered an apartment and...... 温蒂: (忽然从後面走出来) Oh, I remember the case. It was an incrediable case. 小哈: Wendy! 温蒂: Hey, so who are you guys? 女孩: Crime crabbies. 温蒂: Huh, you guys are realy going to enjoy this. 那件奇怪的案件是，凯姐跟烤鱼在火场发现了一具完好无缺的女屍， 没有任何被"烧烤"过的痕迹...... 凯姐: There's merely a mark. 烤鱼: Which means, the body is putting here after the fire? 凯姐: With at least 200 firemen walking around? 小哈: It's as if the fire refused to touch her. 温蒂: The question is, is it a miracle, or a murder? 以上是小哈想像中的叙述，当然温蒂马上发现了不对劲， 於是温蒂把小哈私下揪了出去。 温蒂: You're lying to children! 小哈: It's an educational experience! 温蒂: It is not! We're not there! 小哈: Just play along as a role model... Besides, if you cannot image in the crime scene, how can you solve the case? 温蒂: ......All right. 於是回到小哈想像叙述画面，温蒂一甩头发，重复了那句台词。 温蒂: The question is, is it a miracle, or a murder? 小哈: Either way, she tried her best to survive. 以上叙述画面被嗤笑出生的小男生打断。 男孩: Sorry. Sounds like something I would say. 人在某分局的帅尼接到凯姐电话， 凯姐说她要晚点才能赶回办公室， 帅尼正在告诉凯姐说他的事情都处理完了， 凯姐可以慢慢来时，那间分局的员警接二连三的吐了起来... 囧" 帅尼: Catherine, looks like I'll be tied up here longer... 小哈继续陪小朋友进行实案探讨， 小女生问了几个很有意思的问题，被小哈小小称赞了一下。 然後温蒂说她们并未辨识出死者身分，小哈继续描述现场... 布拔: (似乎认为死者是自杀，然後被小哈叙述成上班中喝酒的疯狂警探!XD) No body lives a life that's not include a death. Why fight? Why should I? Why should you? My suggestion? Go home and cuddle up with somebody you love! I'm gonna go home, got painted out, and let cupper-jacket justice get its way... (喝口那种方形小酒壶里的液体) What? (看一眼不可置信的小哈和温蒂) No, I choose life. 回到现实空间。 小女生问说犯罪现场的浴缸哪来的，温蒂回答说从二楼掉下来的。 小女生开心的提出了自己的假说， 认为死者是在沐浴中因为楼下火场上窜的二氧化碳中毒而死亡於浴缸内， 之後火灾造成建筑物结构坍塌，死者连人带浴缸掉了下去， 而浴缸里的水位在消防人员扑灭火势的时间里保持了屍体的完整。 温蒂: It's an interesting theory. 小哈: But a wrong theory. With the temperature of the fire, it's impossible to coserve the body with that amount of water. 小哈让温蒂陪小朋友继续检视犯罪现场的影像，自己往外走， 结果亨利从後面追上来，说有事要问小哈... 亨利先恭维了一下小哈，说之前小哈的监识让他"跟温蒂"都很admire。 小哈: Is she? 亨利: Yes... Actually, Wendy and I have a lot in common. We're both B negative, and we're allergic to eggplant. You know, I should ask her out, as a date. Are you cool with that? I mean, since you're concerned with the rule... 小哈: (愣住了，心里五味杂陈吧，我想。) ... Totally. 亨利: Thank you! You're a man with priciple. (开心的离开去邀请温蒂) 小哈看着温蒂跟亨利交谈，接受亨利的邀请，一整个囧了(摊手)。 帅尼穿着防护衣跟一群人在检查分局办公室， 结果证实不是由空气引发的中毒。 检查人员: We're good, people. Area's clear. 帅尼: (脱下头罩) If it's not in the air, it's with contact... (四处看看散落在办公桌上的各种食物) But how? 检查人员: You're a CSI. It's not your problem. 帅尼: Well, I think I'm making it mine tonight. 小葛被放到医院去询问中毒的警探们。 小葛: Hey Jenkins, how are you doing? I know you just want to go home and rest... But I need you to tell me what you eat or drink today? Jenkins先生往床的边缘挣扎，看来要说话的样子， 於是小葛靠上前...... 嗯，然後就被Jenkins吐了一身。 ^_^" 局里，小朋友被丢给大卫，大卫解释屍体上的迹证中， 提到该火场死者身上的男性分泌物证据时， 大卫看了一眼清纯的小女生而有点不好意思的吞吞吐吐。 女孩: Semen? 大卫: (囧) Yes, thank you. I believed she had sexual activity before death. 男孩: Could we have C.O.D. please? 大卫: (被打断有点不开心) Not so fast. So I found this tatoo, and therefore I believe she's a Ru... 男孩: (再次打断大卫) Russian or European, of course. 女孩: What are there glossy patches? 大卫: I don't know, but... 男孩: (又打断大卫) C.O.D? 大卫: (叹气) Right... 於是大卫描述他跟罗宾爷爷的发现， 罗宾爷爷被描述成上班偷闲浏览好笑的猫咪网站、又抢他工作成果的怪老人。XDDD 大卫: We found the trace of ooo and xxx in victim's body... 男孩: (打断) Which means... 大卫: (抢回发言权) The C.O.D. is multiple drug overdose. Victim was dead before the fire. 男孩: ... I was going to say that. 大卫: Too bad you said it now. 亨利在他的实验室里面对一堆样本目瞪口呆； 是的，帅尼拿了所有呕吐物的样本要他处理。XDDD 小朋友回到小哈和温蒂那，小哈描述下一步的发现。 小哈: Check this out, Wendy. 温蒂: It's a natural gas line... 男孩: (打断) Did you find the gas cap at the scene? 温蒂: (微笑) No. 女孩: I'm sure you still finding stips at places you don't consider originally, right? (看向小哈) 小哈: ... (心事重重的出神中) 温蒂: Hodges. 小哈: What? Oh, right, we... 结果温蒂接手叙述，很给小哈面子的说在他们调查中， 脆弱的建筑物又掉落了一些砖块，是小哈帮着她躲开的。 温蒂: He saved my life. He saved the evidence, too. 小哈不敢置信的看着帮他cover过去的温蒂，笑了。 小葛来找亨利， 小葛: You gonna be kidding me. You haven't get the results? (帮着亨利检查机器) You set it to run with clear samples! 亨利: I didn't! I don't know why... 小葛: (不耐烦的打断亨利) Here you go. Problem solved. You lucked out. 小哈带着小朋友继续检察证物。 小哈: The uncapped gas line is the fuel, and what about the fire? 男孩: A spark! 小哈: You're right. 小哈说警方之後询问了维修人员，维修人员一开始说不干他的事， 但是CSI後来在维修人员的车上发现了坏掉的gas cap， 维修人员才承认说，一般来说他们应该都要带着备用的gas cap， 但是他发现他没有带，所以他把坏的拿掉了以後就离开了...... 该维修人员有短期记忆的问题，而他的医药纪录证实了这项说词。 女孩: It was an accident. 小哈: Which means the victim is another case...... 此时，小哈留意到外头在跟温蒂说话的亨利... 亨利很开心的说他预订了Eiffel Tower Restaurant， 亨利: I just want to inform you that. So you can dress appropriately. 温蒂: (有点尴尬) You're wearing a suite? 亨利: Yeah! (开心的落了一句法文，应该是法文。) It means, "it will be perfect." 小葛打电话告诉帅尼说集体中毒事件跟毒物没关系。 小葛: We just cultured on sick samples. The problem is, all those people who puke... None of them ate the same thing today. Where is the source? 帅尼: (边讲电话边转过转角，看到某员警在点心桌挑三捡四中) ... I might be able to answer that. (挂电话) 帅尼: Hey. 员警: Hey, Nicky! You want some? 帅尼: No... do me a favor. Put out your hands, please. And, don't touch me. (采样员警的双手) 小哈的教学持续进行中...科科... 男孩: So the body just managed to maintain unburned? 小哈: You always can get some trace. 接下来在小哈的描述里，烤鱼成了实验室人员，噗。 小哈: Tech Lengsten, what you have for me? 烤鱼: CSI Hodges. The sloppy patches on the body, is starch. Do you know that "cornstarch" comes from a word which means "to stiffen" firstly... 小哈: Tech Lengsten, your knowledge is always... 烤鱼: Thrilling? (两人相视而笑) (P.S. 小哈这段叙述中有用到Star Trek某集的对话，麻烦版上专业人士补充!) (我的ST进度因为忙碌的实验跟论文已经停滞很久了~~ = =") 温蒂: (注意到男孩若有所思) You look concerned. 男孩: I am... So the body got coated in vapoured starch... Cornstach peanuts! The snack in the box melted under high temperature and covered the body. It then protected the body from the flame! 小哈: (与温蒂相视而笑) Nicely done. Congratulations! 女孩: That's it? But we never IDed the body, or the killer. 温蒂: Neither do we. 女孩: That sucks. 小哈附和，然後宣布他们取得带小朋友们去现场探勘的资格! 小哈: We're going to a field trip! 中午休息时间，亨利去停车场开车，才发动车子就冒了黑烟。 亨利: What? No! 开着车的小哈载着温蒂跟小朋友经过... 小哈: Car trouble? You should stay out the parking garage. Bad things happen to you there... 亨利不可置信的看着四人离开。 亨利找了凯姐来。 凯姐: You know, Henry. I really don't have time to check out your radiator hose for you. Well... here is it! ... Which mean it comes from outside... 亨利: Somebody poke my hose! 凯姐: You've been pissing out a lot third parties lately? 亨利: (抛下凯姐往外走，低声碎碎念) Hodges! 小哈、温蒂跟小朋友们在现场， Derrick加入了他们，女孩的注意力被引走了一下下，青春啊青春...(笑) 男孩: (跟在温蒂後面走) Fire scenes always smell this bad? 温蒂: What? Oh, yes... 男孩: (正色) What do you feel about lying to us? (看着温蒂脸色一变)I suspect Hodges a tech. That, and the apparent fact that you're close, suggest that you're a tech also. 温蒂: ... I'm DNA. 男孩: Why? 温蒂: I guess I am just tired about waking up in the morning and feeling like I spent time fighting crimes in a test tub... 男孩: CSIs gather evidences but you guys give it meanings... (看着另一头找到几枚铜板的小哈) It's really not that different. Derrick: (从某处出声) That girl was a blonde, right? 大家靠过去，Derrick发现了一张有彩色照片的ID，上面是死者，以及死者的名字。 女孩: Stacia... 小哈: We did it. We ID the victim. Mendy: Who did it!? In your face, CSIs. 帅尼的案件持续调查中... 小葛告诉帅尼说菌株分离出来了， 跟某day care center的食物中毒案件是同一细菌源。 於是布拔找了某警探谈话，因为污染源来自该警探的pastry box， 这位老兄手在大家的食物桌摸来摸去造成了感染... 布拔: They laugh at your diet and you want to teach them a lesson? Did you get the sample from your kid's day care center? 员警: No! I would never... It's my girlfriend's kid. Well, ex-girlfriend... 布拔: Was it a nasty break-up? 员警: It's very kind... 布拔: We're gonna to talk with her. 於是小葛在医院里询问该员警的前女友， 小葛: A post-break-up diet? 前女友: It was a gift! 小葛: To cause a situation like this? 前女友: ... Would it be helpful if I said I'm really sorry? 凯姐听取小哈跟温蒂的新发现。 凯姐: You konw, Hodges. I'm suprised that you're that kind enough to do this. 小哈: It was... you know, for the children. 凯姐: I suspect that. 温蒂跟小哈、凯姐讨论案情，不过句句暗潮汹涌啊... 小哈: Sounds a lot of patience... 温蒂: ... It's worth it. Once the two are bonded together, everything else is left behind. 凯姐: (一整个非常识趣的大好人) All right, let me know what things going on. (离开) 走到外面的小哈再次被亨利拦下，亨利质疑是小哈在暗中动手脚。 亨利: Our date is still on. I hired a limo! Back off, man. I am a tocologist. I know all those tasteless and smellless poisons... You think about that! 温蒂示范DNA检验步骤给男孩看，DNA指向一名不明男性。 布拔从住户中找到了一位Melvin Doage... 布拔: You know what I hate about the box? You never know what those things inside. Those peanuts...kept a dead girl from the flame. Melvin最後承认说他跟Stacia两人有个疯狂的夜晚， Melvin: She got drinking a lot. She said she did that before... Then I woke up the next morning. She was dead. I freaked out... 布拔: So you put her body in one of your boxes... Melvin: When the firemen told me my apartment is on fire, I kind of think I'm lucky again. 小哈带着女孩在外面观看。 女孩: This guy's life is totally over. How can you get out of this everyday? 小哈: ... You know you're on the right side. 女孩追上步出询问室的布拔，先是感谢布拔， 然後又问了关於未来进实验室工作的可能， 还问了布拔有没有寻求勒戒中心的帮助了。XD 布拔: (万分冷静的) Who are you? (看向女孩背後一脸"糟了"的小哈)And what's he has been telling you? 亨利下班了，去置物柜拿鞋子，却发现鞋子被人黏住了。 亨利: Oh, no way! This is not funny! (用力扯，结果是手被黏住整个人卡到柜子上) Help, my face! 整集终於出现的烤鱼前来解救亨利... 亨利: Is it acetone? 烤鱼: Yes. It's the best way to dissolve that. 亨利: It's poisonous! 烤鱼: Use this (递上一条毛巾) and cover your eyes with that. Obviously, someone has not understand the boundry of prank. 亨利: (咬牙切齿的) I have a very good idea who. 这厢，温蒂找小哈。 小哈: Look, I haven't been messing up with Henry. 温蒂: ... I didn't say you are. 小哈: Why are you putting your hands in your pockets? 温蒂: Because I'm socially awkward, and I'm a little insecure? 小哈於是说，因为莫名奇妙被亨利指控，他在亨利的柜子动了手脚， 任何接近亨利的柜子动手脚的人，一但接触了手就会被染成紫色的... 小哈: You may want to wear a dress with pockets tonight. 温蒂: ... (默默的摊开手掌，紫色了) I really don't know why. He's everything that I wanted. He's gentle, he's funny, he's intelligent, he's... 小哈: Okay, I got it! 温蒂: ... But then I realized. What I supposed to want, is not what I really want. (两人沉默的相视) 然後凯姐带着怒气冲冲的亨利走过来，跟小哈说亨利指控他对同僚恶劣的恶作剧。 温蒂: Henry, I'm so sorry... 小哈: (打断温蒂) That you didn't stop me early. I swear, it will never happen again. I am sorry. Are we good? 凯姐: (看向亨利) You got your confession, happy? 亨利: (点头) 凯姐: Okay, that's it. Nobody like a snitch. (我说女王你这到底在婊谁? XDD) 於是小哈转头假装做事，让亨利可以跟温蒂说话。 温蒂: I'm sorry... 亨利: That's fine. Maybe we can get out next time? My face needs some rest... Can I get a rain check? 於是温蒂给了亨利一个抱抱，亨利整个抱很久，然後亨利离开。 温蒂: (在亨利离开後对小哈说) It's never going to happen... 然後小哈看着温蒂离开，怅然若失的转头准备作事， 结果温蒂又忽然转头走回来，捧着小哈的脸就这样亲下去了啦!!!!!!! 最後，温蒂笑着不好意思的离开了， 呆住的小哈露出幸福的、小小的、不敢相信的微笑~~ >///< 本集重点: 1) 瞎了瞎了瞎了........ 最後的闪光弹绝对可以列入CSI各家店史上前五! 2) 那群小朋友是哪来的有人知道吗? 我都只看犯罪影集......(小声) 小男生Guillero满帅的，在他一直打断大卫那里我准备归类成死小孩的， 不过看他跟温蒂的对话又加分回来了。 XDD 3) 我帮帅尼正名罗~~ XDD 不过他今天的食物中毒案件真是有够囧的。哈。 4) 给可怜的亨利拍拍，整集狂衰不说， 心里面的女孩已经默默的发卡了本人都不知道才是最惨的啊~~(摊手) 5) 完全只是惊鸿一瞥的不重点: 阿奇穿那样很帅! XD 谢谢chan大的提醒，基本上对我这个常算错集数的人， 手残跟眼残的状况总是会发生的，再加上中文/英文思考模式切换不轮转的情形... Well，我会尽量不要造成阅读不顺的(握拳呐喊)! 也谢谢体谅我这个接手留学前辈老旧而叫不出字幕电视机， 於是只能靠听力手忙脚乱纪录的人的大家， 一开始写这些是因为俺美国室友完全不了解CSI的好， 每次要开小花、要尖叫转圈圈、要分享对最新进度的热血，都只能从版上寻求温暖... (现在也还是一样啊，叹气。明年找新室友我一定要问对方看不看CSI!) (话说今天我对着最後一幕大叫"靠~~"的时候，) (我走过的亲爱的室友问我说萤幕上没有牛我叫那麽大声干嘛...... Orz) 知道写的这样落落长还都有人看我是很开心的喔! 以上，有人要下注本店阿编会继续让小哈温蒂暧昧下去吗??? XDD --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 72.196.119.199 ※ 编辑: pisacat 来自: 72.196.119.199 (04/16 12:11) ※ 编辑: pisacat 来自: 72.196.119.199 (04/19 00:29)