※ 引述《D122 (小黑球)》之铭言： : 如题 小弟最近在外国读语言学校 : 虽然是语言的不同 文法 用词习惯让我写英文文章一直受到挫折 : 但最近写Argument Essay一直跟老师有疑惑的点对不上 : 以下是小弟目前草稿 : Gender Topless Equality : Have you ever thought that it is strange that only men can be topless? : In : fact, the attitudes toward women’s bodies are still conservative. For : example, social media, like Instagram, prohibits any pictures with women’s : nipples, but Instagram requires “every” user to wear clothes. In 2015, Adda : Smardottir, a student, held the activity “Free the nipple”. She argued with : the unfair standard of social media. In short, currently, some people still : cannot accept topless women, but actually, bare breasts are not as bad as : most people think, and this argument can be made on three sides, gender : equality, social media, and patriarchy. : Gender topless equality is really a part of gender equality. In our : daily : life, women always wear bras and cover their breasts. Some people think that : it is common, while some people think that it is illogical. Steinfeld (2017) : claimed that women have totally different opinions to whether they can show : their breasts. These differences depend on how they were born and grew up. : Most of all, it is true that attitudes toward genders, especially when : topless, are not equality. However, Steinfeld (2017) showed that in some : cultures around the world, like aboriginal communities, women go topless to : this day. Hence, topless women might not be bad as some people think, and not : every person can not accept topless women. Actually, male and female breasts : are similar in composition, and breasts are just parts of people, but society : just rejects women’s breasts. It is unreasonable, and the right of topless : really belongs to women. Only when women really have the right to decide : whether they show their breasts, Gender equality will exist. : In social media, pictures with topless women are not allowed to be : posted. : Wheeling (2015) showed that Facebook and Instagram have the double standard : when judging pictures with bare humans, and many users’ accounts are closed : due the rule of posting pictures. Moreover, Steinfeld (2017) claimed that the : reason why Facebook banned the topless pictures is that Facebook thought that : some audiences may be sensitive to the pictures. It is necessary to consider : users’ positions. However, Fischtein (2015) mentioned that people aged 60 : and over were least accepting of female topless behavior. It is because older : people tend to be more conservative. It means that the most main users of : social media, younger peoples, accept topless women more than older people. : For another, Steinfeld (2017) claimed that the laws of public indecency are : nebulous, so people can explain them in their own ways. In conclusion, the : reason why Facebook banned users is not very reasonable, because just : minority users can not accept pictures with topless women, but they really : have a choice to reject them. In addition, to argue this controversial : phenomenon, artists created the image of “an acceptable nipple”, a male : nipple for people to paste it on their topless pictures. 先说，我刚刚推文把Wheeling看成第一句，我错了。 而且刚刚推文只是快速看过，表达还是有不好地方。 第一个引用：Wheeling(2015) 说明在social media有双重标准，但没有表达出女性受到较不公平对待， 你要不要找原文有更明确的句子。 第二个引用：Steinfeld(2017) 但是，这个引用无说明出男女受到差异性对待，只是说有些人对这类图片很敏感。 原文可能有更精准的句子，你找看看。 第三个引用： 此说明在60岁以上年长者，对女性裸露接受度是最低，原因是他们比较保守。 但是你过度延伸意思在It means这句话。首先，原引用句无指出在social media ，你加了social media，如果原引用文有，你就要加上引用句， 否则你自己更改作者意思，作者可能只是问卷调查，被你改成social media； 再来，the most main users也是一样。 我觉得这个引用有擦到主旨，只是不知道原文有没有特指social media。 在立场上， moreover连接第一第二引用，视为同立场。It's necessary... 这句在支持第二个引用，紧接着是however，然後第三个引用。 既然第三有擦到边，前又有however，所以前两个引用，与第三是对立面吗？ 即使第一个引用，明确地说明与此段主旨同，还是因为however，变得奇怪。 最後， 引用再更清楚地，与主旨连结。 然後，我觉得如果是一般写作练习，一个段落找一个正方，一个反方就好。 以上只是小弟一点小小个人意见，参考看看。 : Hundreds years ago, people were in a patriarchy. Wheelng (2015) also : claimed : that women are more likely to be treated as sex objects. Patriarchy is a : social system in which men have all the power. The society was controlled by : men, and women were just properties of men. In addition, some people do not : care that women are being dominated by men, and some women even promote this : situations to others, including their daughters. Even in modern times, some : people still treat women as sex objects. It causes the belief that women’s : bodies are sexual and should be covered. However, this concept of females is : really out of date, because in women’s view, men’s bodies are also sexual, : but topless men can be accepted and not against the law of public indecency. : To eliminate the bad tradition from patriarchy, the unfair attitudes toward : women must be changed. : In short, women really have right to show their breasts in public. : There are : many concepts of this topic in three sides, gender equality, social media, : and patriarchy. Compared to attitudes toward topless men, attitudes toward : topless women are too biased. Now, advanced countries are working for gender : equality, but just the view of sex is still conservative. In social media, : the double standard toward different genders is unreasonable. For another, : patriarchy has limited a lot of women’s rights for a long time, and it is : time to change this unreasonable situation. In conclusion, gender topless : equality is necessary and represents an important process of women’s right. : If women can show themselves without bias, the relationship between different : genders would be better, and the society would be kinder and fairer to women. : 因为要用到APA格式引用的关系 找两方观点相关的文章已经很头大了 : 却更被说"没看到三个side的各两方论点" : 虽然列给老师看了 但跟他说还是一个头两个大 : 尤其在Social media那一段 老师是说没两方点 但我是要反驳"Facebook方的想法" : 是因为我说得太委婉吗(同学表示) 还是Organization上的问题呢(不习惯的点) : 因为老师一直跳针的点是他不清楚哪个点 但跟他问了很久他却也只是说不行 : 所以想请各位提供意见 感谢 --

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