If I had known the event would have such a huge impact on how you view me as a sibling, I would not have done it. I was just trying to give you a lesson, to frighten you with the possible consequences of a wrongdoing like that. I thought lesson well learned and you well educated and reformed. well, you've never done it again since, only at the cost of something I truly realize now: the undercurrent of deep disbelief in me. I can never make myself convincing to you now that I would never have used the knife in my hand even if I had caught you. But you were too little to be able to separate the reality from the fake vivid threatening while I was too young as well to know you were too little for that. This traumatic experience scars the kinship between us. Now it's understandable for me every time you unconsciously show hostility toward me or favor the other side against me. You even brought up this childhood event once in a while, though seemingly joking about it, to a group of our common friends how I might have slaughtered you. I kept silent and thought to myself when you were talking about it that I would never meant that. Is that really what you have been thinking since? Oh, my God! That's why sibling rivalry between us appears like true hatred sometimes. I did try to explain to you once that it's not what you think it was. But you were never convinced, because the knife was real, the running away was real, and we both were real at that moment despite the misconception of my attempt and intention. --

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