It's been a while since last time I listened to a sad song. This morning, I picked one recommended by ptt board pals, and the moment I clicked on the youtube play icon, with a soft slow melody floating out of the speakers on my desk, the air in my bedroom suddenly changed into a surreal one. The space and the time of the moment felt isolated from the outside world. I inadvertently plunged into retrospection, recalling something far far away in the past, but not sure what it was that made me melancholy. I have always held an ambivalent emotion toward this aroused melancholy. Not that I only have sad memories or experiences accompanying me along the way, but somehow it hurts to some extent when you re-taste or re-live the feeling, or the situation which you thought would never matter after so many years. However, a sad melody always has this kind of magic and power to intensify that feeling so much that I can't help but feel overwhelmed, thinking to myself "would you do the same were you given one more chance?" This kind of futile question is killing me always. Why has it been a while since last time I listened to a sad song? I guess I chose not to, telling myself the only thing beneficial to me is looking forward. Don't create or step into an atmosphere that would make me look back. Damn it. However often I had told myself so, I listened to a sad song this morning again. Now I am feeling sad with the song playing and replaying over and over again. Too many images start to surface, first in my mind, then before my eyes, one after another. Once I am led back to the long-forgotten memories, I tend to stay there, wasting time purely feeling melancholy for melancholy's sake. --

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