THE TOP FIVE GAYEST RAP LYRICS OF 2005 And on with the disclaimer. No, we don't have anything against homosexuals, and no, we don't think these rappers are gay, but given the fact that there is so much machismo and homophobia in hip-hop, you'd think these tough guy hetero rappers would rethink some of these lyrics before spitting them. Hmm, two for 50…. 1. "Yayo, bring the condoms, I'm in room 203" - 50 Cent "Piggy Bank" There really is no getting around this one. 50 could have at least said "WE'RE in room 203'" to imply that there were some females present. Note to 50: when you're making a dis track about how all the other rappers aren't as bad-ass as you, be sure to make sure there's no accidental disses to yourself in there. 2. "I read somewhere I'm homophobic, shit / go through the hood, there's mad niggas on my dick" - 50 Cent - "Ryder Music" Um, yeah. We don't know exactly what Fiddy was trying to say with this line, but again, quite gay. The ladies love him, and if that's not enough, apparently so do all of the men. 3. "If you really want to hold me, show me, homie" - Mike Shinoda of Fort Minor - "Petrified" We feel bad for including this one, because we love the Fort Minor record, but this is all in good fun. However, it should be noted that the song is called "Petrified". 4. "Lets eat and talk about all them niggaz we cut" - Lil Wayne - "The Mobb" Damn, if you are from the South, you should know that "cut" is a commonly used homonym (heh) for "fuck". That's why we found it particularly sloppy for the often shirtless Wanye to suggest to his homies that they should gather around the dinner table to reminisce on all the men they "cut". Whoops. 5. "Ride solo I don't trust ya'll niggas / and if you get outta line I'll touch you niggas - Slim Thug - "The Interview" Yeah, we know, he meant "touch" like "hurt", but damn, in the interests of good old fashioned American homophobia, maybe guys like Slim Thug should consider the alternative. Or maybe he already has! (Cue "Twighlight Zone" theme). THE FIVE MOST DISAPPOINTING ALBUMS OF THE YEAR 1. Notorious Big - "Duets" - Bad Boy C'mon Diddy! "Duets" was an obvious last hurrah at making a little cheese off of the Biggie legacy. Not only were there a bunch of Biggie verses we've heard in the past, but Biggie was also linked up with some very strange and lackluster guests (Big Gee, anyone?). The result was a pretty lame album that probably made Biggie turn in his grave. 2. Royce - "Independent's Day" - Koch After releasing the surprise indy LP of 2004, "Death Is Certain", we thought for sure that 5'9 would follow-up in 2005 with something on that level. Instead, we got the generically titled "Independent's Day", which featured Royce switching styles all over the place. While the album did have it's small share of bangers, it was also cluttered with crossover pop nonsense, which of course did nothing to further his career. Give us the good shit in 2006, Royce - please! 3. J-Live - "The Hear After" - Penalty As one of the best emcees the independent hip-hop movement has produced, with two solid LP's already in the bag, everyone was looking forward to the release of J-Live's "The Hear After". Unfortunately, Live took over the production reigns himself, which didn't quite hold a candle to the DJ Premier or Jazzy Jeff tracks we were spoiled with on his last two LP's. Hopefully that remix contest can shed some new light on an otherwise decent LP. 4. Twista - "The Day After" - Atlantic The title to this LP can only refer to the feeling you have after a long night of drinking and/or a one-night stand with a girl that doesn't exactly look like Paula Abdul. That's kind of how we felt after hearing Twista's new one - straight disappointment. Sure, it had a few decent tracks on it, but after the stellar "Kamikazi", led by those two Kanye West blazers, "Slow Jamz" and "Overnight Celebrity", "The Day After", fell short. Sorry, Mr. West is gone. 5. Tony Yayo - Thoughts Of A Predicate Felon - Interscope "Thoughts of a Predicate Felon"? He thinks? Okay, it's not like we had high hopes for this LP in the first place, but this really was the nail in the coffin for G-Unit. Up until this point, 50 and his crew had delivered a handful of pretty decent LP's (not to mention Game's classic The Documentary), but Tony's LP may have been more aptly titled, "Thoughts of A Predictable Album". Meh. BEST USES OF HIP-HOP IN POPULAR CULTURE 1. SNL's "Narnia Rap" 2. Flava Flav's Miller Lite Commercial 3. Adult Swim co-signs Danger Doom & The Boondocks Cartoon 4. Common endorses Air Jordan 5. RJD2 "Ghost Writer" as NBA theme song WORST USES OF HIP-HOP IN POPULAR CULTURE 1. Flava Flav on VH1's "Strange Love" 2. 50 Cent's "Get Rich Or Die Trying: The Movie" 3. Hustle and Flow 4. All Post-GTA Thugged Out Video Games 5. McDonald's Cashes In (Big Mac name-dropping & proposed Sean John uniforms) ROOKIES OF THE YEAR 1. John Legend 2. M.I.A. 3. Paul Wall 4. Lady Sovereign 5. Mr. Collipark 6. The Chapter 7. Asamov 8. L.E.G.A.C.Y. 9. Ohmega Whatts 10. Cool Calm Pete BEEF: BEST RAP BATTLES OF 2005 1. 50 Cent Vs. Fat Joe - Winner: 50 Cent 2. G-Unit Vs. Game - Winner: Game 3. Jadakiss vs. 50 Cent - Winner: 50 Cent 4. The Lox Vs. Diddy - Winner: The Lox --

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