以下为个人意见，当然有可能自己见识不广欢迎讨论 : I am Mei. 这里建议把自己英文名字全名打出来，毕竟名字叫做Mei的有成千上万个 把全名打出来，看你自传的人也才比较记得这篇是谁的自传 : After graduating from Aletheia University, I applied for a : master of economics in Ming Chuan University. My thesis examined the : relationship between a firm size and R&D performance by utilizing : Metafrontier model; and further, I adopted the Network DEA to provide : managerial insight for enhancing performance. 这个部分建议直接把"叙述"的过程改成"结果" 你这边提到你大学毕业以後跑去念研究所 而你的硕士论文题目是用Metafrontier model和DEA法来验证公司规模和R&D绩效的关系 以提供增进绩效的管理意涵 Well, so what? 这边对於看你自传的人，心中就会出现一个疑问：这和你申请我这个工作有什麽关系? 你应该在这段求学经历的部分，强调你和别的学生不一样的地方 例如你参加了什麽商业竞赛、担任过什麽义工还是大使 或着是把你在写论文过程中的"专业"展现出来 (eg. 资料蒐集、举办研讨会行政、与大人物接洽等) 并且强调你最後产出的结果 (eg. 我这篇硕论最後被某某研讨会接受并发表) 这样比较会吸引人，不然你仔细再想一想你写这一段的最後 是不是看不到「所以呢」这三个字? 以我个人来讲，当初我写硕论的时候刚好也接一个国科会计划 所以我就在我的自传里面加上我做国科会计画的背景 (eg. 专业国科会计画申办：从计画书提案+简报+资料分析+专家座谈+结案报告全包^.<) 最後我的硕论也成功在科管年会上面有个小小的空间做"海报发表" 这就是我和别人不一样的地方... 你一定也会有你和别人不一样的地方，记得凸显出来 : In terms of certificate received, I have got 7 financial professional : credentials and scored 680 in the TOEIC exam since I studied in the : university. Therefore, improving my foreign language competence will be : regarded as one of my primary goals. 这边的逻辑怪怪的 In terms of certificate received→这句话你是想要说"关於我拿到的证照"是吧? 恩....力量不太够 或许可以改成：For my competence improving, I've been agressive for testing my financial expertise, so I get 7 financial professional credentials, which means that I've prepared for the real business world. 另外在improving my foreign language competence.. →你说改进你的语言能力是你其中一个的主要目标 一样的情况，这和你申请这个工作有什麽关系? 应该是说你的TOEIC有680分，因此可以胜任普通的英文对话或是文书工作 要强调你过去成就所能够带来的「成果」，而不是叙述你过去的所作所为 (题外话，680分算是个尴尬的分数，建议你可以再挑战到750分up) : When serving as an professor's assistant in graduate school, I learned a : sense of responsibility toward students, above all, those affairs of students : relative to their term grade are required more careful. Due to this : acquirement, I must ensure that client rights and interests will be my top : priority.Besides, since I often had to think about supervisor’s requests in : advance,the position allowed me to enhance not only aggressive attitude : but also problem solving ability. those affairs of students relative to their term grade are required more careful.→句子有误， ↑(要加上which are) 或许你是要表达those affairs of students "are" relative to their term grade, so that I have to pay much more attention on it. (我需要更加注意这些事) 另外在I must ensure that...这段，不知道是不是我多想了 我看的感觉是：不过是当个助教，有那麽严重到要注意顾客的权利和利益吗= =? 你也提到除了「顾客权益」之外，你必须在老板的要求下取得平衡 可以换个方式讲 When serving as a professor's assistant in graduate school, I had some real working experience in college. For instance, since the scores are the top concerns of my "clients"-students, so I must be as accurate as I can to ensure everything will be exactly right. Futhermore, I have to take my "boss" -the professor- into consideration, therefore I can serve both of students and professor. All of these make me be an aggressive person and have very strong problem solving ability. : 最後会再加上几句结语 : 请版友帮忙修改 : 感谢! 大概是这样，个人浅见 加油!!! --

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