※ 引述《hsinyu1989 (Tara)》之铭言： : 我是应届毕业生 : 第一次写求职英文自传， : 我的英文写作能力大学4年退步很多阿!(跪) : 我要投的公司是台湾公司，需要 短篇的英文自传 : 我有参考前辈们的文章，但还是有要改进的部分 : 希望板上的高手能帮我看看有哪里需要改进的.. : 非常感谢!!!! m(_ _ )m : 应徵工作是财务方面的 : I am XXXX studies banking and finance, graduated from : Tamkang University this year. 拆成两句 My name is XXXX. I graduated from XXXX with XXX degree. My specialty is XXXX. : {About my personality traits} : I’m easygoing, open-minded and optimistic but easily : move to tears. I have high ability to adapt to the : environment that can familiarize myself into work rapidly move to tears不是这样用的= = 除了文法上应该为 I am move"d" to tear之外 连意思也不通 因为I am moved to tears意思为我被感动到哭 正确用法为 He was moved to tears by sth. 或 sth. move sb. to tears I'm a easygoing, open-minded and optimistic person. Besides, I am easily touched with tears by even a mere trifle. Owing to my unique personalities, I can adapt myself to a new surrounding immediately which ..... 你很容易适应环境 但这对你或对以後工作上有何好处? 请在which後面写上 我发现你的句子都是一句一句的 请找出前因後果 练习用which, that, what等连接起来 : {About my Work Experience} : My family didn’t cover all my expenses so I found a : part-time job after school. Over three years of work : experience in Tamkang University and I also have : an experience working as a customer service representative : in the Fubon Bank. Both jobs required me to speak to : customers via telephone. Opposing to the ordinaty stereotype : that the customer serivice is a boring job, I've actually : quite enjoyed in the position because it gave me an opportunity : to improve my telephone etiquette, my problem solving : capability, and my self-esteem.My direct supervisors say that : I’m very cautious, dependable and efficient because I : frequently find the error on the document. : 在学校工读3年也有在银行工作 : "Over 3 .......in the Fubon bank" : 这里我一直觉得哪里怪，但不知道要怎麽写才会比较好.. My family didn't cover all of my expense during my college life(请写上时间或是 哪方面的开销 不然这句话是不完整的), so I have to find part-times jobs after school to support my living. 如果是我 我会说"同时" 不知道这个词 符不符合你的意 I had been a part-time employee in XXXU for over 3 years, meanwhile, I had worked in Fubon Bank as a customer service representative. 下一句我不知道你想表达什麽 就好像中文中突然出现一句 两个工作都需要用电话 那...然後呢? 你想这样没人看的懂 你应该改成 Since I had to deal with costomers over the telephone in both jobs, I........ 後面请接你学到什麽或有什麽心得 stereotype 字很漂亮但用的很烂 可把他视为impression Unlike a boring stereotype of common customer service jobs, they(我这边假设你 是指这2件工作，因为由上下文判断，感觉不出你有分别对各工作做详述) are quite interesting and helpful. What really improved my telephone skill and problem solving ability at work. self-esteem我拿掉了 因为这个字不是这样用的= = 你在哪边听过有谁说I am efficient过?= = 还有say要改成said 再来，请记住，写文章(不管是中文还是英文)都要连贯，不然整篇文章会变的断断续续的 如同我之前讲的，你的英文一句一句的，没有连贯性。我在这里看不出上一句话跟老板 称赞你有什麽关系。你应该改为：工作能力的提升>>工作表现很好>>老板称赞等等 (懒的想了 你自己去写吧) Due to my satisfactory working performances, my boss admired me for my XXXX自 行填入 : {About my extracurricular activities} : My volunteer involvement with Mackay Memorial Hospital's : Children volunteers club provided great opportunities for me : to get work experiences, to meet people, to learn new s : kills, and best of all, to help childern who are less : fortunate than I am. : 请问有人知道儿童志工的英文怎麽写吗??? : Given an opportunity to work in XXX公司, I would do my best to : prove my capability. : 请大家指教 非常感谢!!!! The experience of being a volunteer in Mackay Memorial Hospital to help children XXX(日期/时间) really made me learn to communication with others and mostly learn to help those in need. I would appreciate that if you can give me a opportunity to work as a team in XXX. --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 58.115.52.107 ※ 编辑: nastry 来自: 58.115.52.107 (05/15 23:47)