※ 引述《adrolian (深蓝)》之铭言： : 大家好： : 非常感谢各位前辈日前给我的许多翻译上的建议。下面贴出来的文章是一篇背景设在 : 纽奥良的哈利同人文的开场，恳请各位前辈多多指教。 : ---- : 篇名：L'ouragan : 作者：femmequixotic/Femme : 来源：http://asylums.insanejournal.com/snape_potter/265071.html : The rain was already falling, had been falling for hours, so heavy and hard : that even an?Impervius?was useless. My white cotton shirt was plastered to : my skin, my soaked hair pushed back behind both ears, save for the few limp : locks that the wind slapped angrily against my cheek. : 雨正下着，已经持续数个小时，滂沱雨势即便是不透水咒（Impervius）亦无济於事。 : 我的白色棉质衬衫紧贴着皮肤，湿透的头发推到了耳後，在狂风愤怒地拍打我的两颊 : 时，有几绺平直柔软的发丝散落开来 指出几个我认为原文理解有疑问处。 是风把发丝打到脸上，注意that是slapped的受词，代表先行词locks。 : I stood over the rich, muddy reek of the Mississippi churning, sullen waves : already rolling against the embankments meant to keep them at bay. There was : a hint of chill in the thick, heavy air for the first time since spring had : faded, but I could still feel the humidity, my sweat mixing in with the rain : that ran down the back of my collar. : 我站在密西西比河搅扰而出的浓厚土腥臭气里，沉郁浪涛反覆冲击着将它们阻在湾岸 : 的堤防。自从春天逝去以来，黏稠、沉重的空气里头一次夹带了一缕寒意，但我仍旧 : 感觉周遭高温潮湿，汗滴混合着雨水流下我的後领。 我找不到「高温」的意思哪里来。 从後领流下的只有雨水，然後才和汗水混合。that是ran down的主词，指先行词rain。 : "Last of the little bastards are back to their kin," Honore said, coming up : next to me, his boots squelching in the mud. "Michel Decoudreau was the : last one over St Bernard's way." Rivulets of rain poured over the headmaster's : short grey curls, down his angled black cheeks roughened by two-day's stubble. : His mouth tightened as he stared out over the river; he crossed his arms over : his chest, pulling his wet robe tight across his shoulders, the frayed grey : hem catching on the laces of his worn boots. He glanced over at me, looked : me up and down, then smiled faintly. "Pardon my patois, Severus, but you look : like mule shit on a dungpile." : 「最後一批小坏蛋也回他们的亲戚那了，」奥诺雷边说边走到我身边，他的靴子啪滋啪 : 滋地踩在烂泥里。「米歇尔‧狄卡崔是最後一个往圣伯纳德方向去的。」倾盆大雨浇灌 : 在校长短短的灰色卷发上，流下他棱角分明、长了两天胡荏於是粗糙一片的黑色脸颊。 : 当他远眺河川的时候，他的嘴唇紧抿；他将双臂交叠在胸前，拉起湿答答的长袍紧紧裹 : 住双肩，磨损的灰色衣摆轻触着他那双破靴子的鞋带。他审视着我，从头到脚仔细巡了 : 一遍，然後虚弱地微微一笑。「原谅我用方言来形容，西弗勒斯，但你看起来像是一堆 : 粪肥上的驴大便。」 「拉起」若无主词，则指涉前句主词「他」。从中文看，好像是他交臂後却又主动去拉起 长袍裹住肩膀，但是，我无法想像他为何这样做。英文的pulling...的主词的确是he，但 是实际上，是因为他交臂的动作导致肩上的长袍更紧紧挨住肩膀：「他将双臂交叠在胸前 ，湿答答的长袍因此更加紧挨双肩。」才不让人误会他刻意去拉长袍。 中文书写时除了以前提过的遣词外，还要注意逻辑性，描述动作不要让读者或编辑停下来 想，你是不是写错了？为什麽有这个动作... : I snorted. "I'm quite afraid you're no beauty yourself at the moment, William. : " Honore looked exhausted and drawn, a greyish pallor to his dark skin. I : wasn't surprised. The entire bloody staff of St. Louise de Marillac School : had spent the past thirty-six hours evacuating students—and in many cases, : their families, their familiars and, for a fortunate few, their homes—to higher : ground. No thanks to the imbeciles employed by the Louisiana Department of Magic : and Wizardry who were utterly incapable of finding their own arses with both : hands, in my opinion—which I had quite clearly stated to more than one of the : fools. My nostrils flared. Bureaucrats were incompetent worldwide, it seemed. : 我不屑地冷哼一声。「非常遗憾，此刻的你毫无美丽之处可言，威廉。」奥诺雷看起来精 : 疲力竭，他黝黑的皮肤泛着一抹灰白。我并不感到惊讶。圣路易斯德马里亚克学校的全体 : 该死的工作人员，在过去的三十六个小时里都忙着疏散学生－－而且在很多个案里，还包 : 括他们的家人、他们的亲友，对少数幸运的人来说还有他们的家园－－前往地势较高的地 : 方。不用感谢受雇於路易斯安那州魔法与巫术部的低能蠢人，在我看来，他们就算用上两 : 只手也完全没有能力找到自己的屁股－－我已十分清楚地向一个以上的傻蛋表明了我的意 : 见。我的鼻孔气愤地鼓了起来。看来全世界的官僚们皆属无能之辈。 : The wind picked up, twisting around us, knocking me back a step. Rain stung my : face, salty and sharp. : 风势转剧了，直绕着我们打旋，撞得我倒退一步。苦涩盐味的雨水刺痛我的脸。 : Honore frowned into the storm, tall and solid in the rough gusts. His robe : whipped around him. "Best get yourself someplace safe, and soon." He squinted up : at the roiling black clouds. "'Bout to be one hell of a storm." : 奥诺雷皱起眉头，望进那声势惊人、结构凝实的阵阵狂风暴雨。他的长袍绕着身体猛烈甩 : 动着。「最好让你自己待在某处安全的地方，而且尽快。」他眯起眼睛观察那滚滚翻腾着 : 的乌云。「一场该死的暴风雨即将来袭。」 tall and solid是补充形容Honore，不是指暴雨的结构凝实。the storm和rough gusts指 同一场狂风暴雨。套句现成的中文，可不可以说「矗立」或「巍峨矗立」，甚至「稳若 泰山」？（逃） : "And what do you intend to do?" I asked, eyeing with unease the choppy river that : slapped over the embankment, seeping into the puddles at my feet. After six : hurricane seasons, I'd learnt there was little even magic could do against Mother : Nature in a snit, and that realisation disconcerted me. : 「那你打算怎麽办？」我问道，忧心忡忡地注视那条波涛汹涌的河流一再拍打着堤岸，还 : 有河水渐次渗透到我脚下的泥水中。在六个台风季节後，我已经学会没有任何魔法可以在 : 紧急事态中抵抗大自然的力量，这种认知令我不安。 紧急事态中？还是「老天一闹起脾气来」？ : Honore ran a hand over his jaw, scratching. "I'll stay back at the school. Make : sure she doesn't blow away— " : 奥诺雷扒过下颚，抓了一抓。「我将回学校待着。确认台风没有吹走－－」 : A loud, cracking boom echoed over the roar of rain. We stared at each other, the : puddles nearly covering the toes of our boots. : 一阵响亮的爆裂声回荡在咆哮肆虐的大雨中。我们互望彼此，泥水近乎漫过我们的靴尖。 : "The levees," Honore shouted in to the wind, grabbing my arm. : 「是堤坝，」奥诺雷在狂风中大吼，同时抓住我的胳臂。 : Fucking hell. : 去他妈的见鬼了。 : We ran. : 我们拔腿狂奔。 最後两句好生动！ :-) --

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