斗室 ／秀陶 除了叫它“斗室”而外，从不曾想过叫它XX堂、XX斋、XX楼、或者XX庵。因为 它不过是我生息於斯所谓狗窝。就其寄生的作用而言，就如同乌龟壳般 一走进它我便觉得舒服。彷佛穿上了量身订制的套装一样体贴，毕竟内中的一 切都是由我预设的。真是到处都有我，到处都是我。地毯上有我趾迹清晰的脚 板，椅子里有我骨臀压成的凹窝 (还是温温的哩)，杯子上有我的指纹唇印。 真是到处都是我，到处都是我的DNA 一走近它我便觉得妥贴，觉得安和而没有恐惧，而且不再繁忙，全然没有了压 力。有的只是欣然的期待逸乐的意绪，就像是刚戴上保险套一样 哪！墙上挂了些我喜欢的不值钱的图画，空中飘荡着足以把别人都赶走的其 实一点也不古典的现代乐，也不知怎麽搅的，竟然竟然通通叫作古典，架上 罗列的多是些闲书(也不免有几本板起面孔说大道理的)。它们都是待我宠幸 的三宫六院，今夜我可以随意抽出一本或几本带上床 我的盆栽普遍说来都长得不怎麽好，主要的是由於他们受不了我那种饱一餐饿 两顿的养育手法。它们就如同傻傻的老百姓一样，只要不死，一切都只好逆来 顺受 好多年来我一直都是用那种每张印了两个月的挂历。一个朋友今年送了一份每 天撕一张的这种。这下子可好了，这间斗室便常常过在外面那个世界的前一两 天或者後三四天的时候……如同想把那个世界划清界线不相往来似的 <My chanberette> This is only name I ever used to call my place. I have never called it any other name like most Chinese scholars do. They like to name their dwelling as xx Bldg, xx House, xx Palace, not me. The relationship between my place and me is similar to a dog and his pen or a turtle and his shell. As soon as I get in, I feel so much at home. I am as comfortable as wearing a custom tailored suit. For everything there is prearranged for me and for me only. You can say that everywhere has me or everywhere is me. On the carpet, there are my footprints with clear toe marks. There are pan-shaped concaves made by my hips ( there is at least one still lukewarm ) in chairs. My fingerprints and lip prints are on every cup as well. In one word, everywhere there is my DNA. As soon as I get in it, I feel peaceful and serene and free from a nxiety, no longer bustling, no more pressure of any kind. What is there is a sort of pleasure expectation, same like a person just put on his condom. Look, there are cheap reproductions of famous paintings on the walls. There is contemporary classic music in the air the loudness can drive people away. On the shelves there are my mostly pleasure readings ( a few of them put on jack faces try to be philosophical ). But they are all there ready to serve me as maids of me imperial harem. I can take one or several of them to bed tonight. Generally speaking, my plants don’t grow well. Mainly because they can’t stand my treatment of bursting feed one day and starving the other 5 or 6 days. But there is nothing they can do. They are just like people of certain countries, they can only take what is given before they die. For years I have used those bimonthly calendars. This year a friend gave me the kind that you have to tear a page everyday. It made this chamberette either a few days ahead or a few days behind the outside world......as if it intends to alienate itself. --

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